🏴‍☠️ From Zero to Inbox Hero · 🏴‍☠️ Cyber Corsairs

🏴‍☠️ From Zero to Inbox Hero

Ladies and gentlemen, gather 'round for the tale of a man who turned his midlife crisis into a digital circus.

So here I am, it's September 2023, and I'm glued to YouTube because obviously, if you're gonna make bad life choices, you might as well be comfortable, right? I stumbled upon this video about email newsletters. And like any sane person who's watched one too many motivational videos, I say, "Why not?" And I think, "Hey, why not start one about AI?" I call it "Cyber Corsairs" because nothing screams 'I'm tech-savvy' like a name that sounds like a robot pirate from a low-budget sci-fi movie.

I sent my first masterpiece to six friends, and four outright ignored it. Fantastic, I've efficiently downsized my social circle. Efficiency at its finest! I believe even my spam folder is more sociable. But hey, it's all good. I didn't like them much anyway.

Building this newsletter, I'm failing more than a diet on Thanksgiving. I'm trying to juggle this with family life. My wife's giving me that look, you know, the one that says, "I married a man, not an email server." And I think, "Well, at least the server doesn't argue back."

Then I discovered the beehiiv – it's like finding a lifeboat on the Titanic. I hit 100 subscribers, and suddenly, I'm the king of the world. Or at least the king of a very, very small digital hill.

I rally a team, and we're spitting out emails like a machine gun on espresso or an email factory on steroids. We even start making cash! I feel like a bootleg Jeff Bezos, minus the shiny dome, the space fetish, and the billion-dollar divorce taking half my kingdom.

But alas, burnout slams into me like a ten-ton truck. I'm sprawled on the couch, contemplating my life choices, wondering if my cat's got a more fulfilling career plan than me. I am considering if it's too late to become a monk. Because, let's face it, who wouldn't trade emails for inner peace?

In a desperate move, I cranked up paid traffic and some digital sorcery with Sparkloop. It's like betting on horses, except the horses are digital and just as unpredictable. And bam! We hit 1,000 subscribers. I'm feeling like a wizard now, an email Gandalf or something.

Plot twist! Half my team jumps ship. It's like getting coal for Christmas. Only the coal is a giant ball of stress. I'm wrestling with health issues, my bank account is weeping, and I'm pretty sure my cat's plotting a coup.

Despite the chaos, I push on. New Year rolls, and boom – 6,000 subscribers. I'm like a bad TV show. Just when you think it's canceled, it comes back for another season despite no one watching it. You can't get rid of me that easily!

I kicked off a mentorship group and a second newsletter because clearly, I despise leisure time, and who needs sanity? It's all about sharing the gospel of my online disasters.

Now, I'm gunning for 10,000 subscribers by March. Why? Because apparently, I've developed a taste for digital masochism. I've got plans, schemes, and a pinch of voodoo.

So there you have it, folks. From zero to inbox hero – or maybe just a dude who's exceptionally talented at annoying people via email and desperately craving some validation. You be the judge!

Stay curious, stay ravenous. For the greatest treasures are yet hidden! 🍺

Set sail,

Yar, Captain of the Cyber Corsairs 🏴‍☠️

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