1. Starting today, I gave myself a 30-day challenge to transform my son's beliefs about himself. I made this challenge up, so it is also an experiment (though based on psychological principles). I'm calling it the "Ed Mylett Challenge". Ed is an entrepreneur and professional speaker/ influencer. Almost everyday since the day that each of his kids were born, he has looked them directly in the eye and showered them with compliments. They are often the same, repeated ones, but that's not the rule. They are whatever he wants them to believe about themselves. Because kids will act on whatever it is they believe about themselves. This has been well studied. So my challenge/ experiment: For 30 days I will tell my 13 yr old a string of compliments each day. This can be over a text or call or note or as I stare him in the eyes. Imma see if it transforms him in any ways. He is a strong willed, I prefer the term determined, child and I have always worried that the amount of times he receives correction or is met with disappointment, has out weighed the amount of compliments we give him. And thus, I worry, has given him some negative self-identities. The times when I have seen him grow the most, or self correct patterns, is when I have expressed that I believe him to be better than the fill-in-the-blank behavior. I see something inside of him spark when I have communicated that I believe his natural talents and character are going to help him meet our expectations for his behavior. That was wordy- did that make sense? Today I texted him after I dropped him off at school. I never got a response, but I know he needs to hear more words like those in the text. I will post updates on how the challenge goes. Feel free to do it with me and let us know how it goes!

This is a kind of long, meaty book. Definitely worth every minute if you or someone very close to you suffered any serious trauma. There should be a trigger warning however, as Dr Van der Kolk shares dozens of stories of trauma that his patients had experienced, all of which were severe. This is actually the reason why I've been really wanting to write this book review: the information from the book is incredibly valuable and I want it to spread and have it be shared and shared. But the traumatic stories within it make it hard for me to recommend, because I don't know people's sensibilities. While the stories do weigh on me, I find it personally important for those of us who can, to hear the hard stories and hold them with those who actually suffered the events. I believe in a collective solidarity and that action to improve what we can in society will only be taken if there are those willing to subject themselves to the dark truths enough to be as informed as possible and be moved to action. Even simple actions like signing a petition, voting for important changes, donating money to a cause, or volunteering for an organization that helps. So here's the important information as best I can give it: For this summary, if you want to skip the brain stuff and just get to part about what to do about trauma, jump to the last third. Book summary: During traumatic events or in environments of traumatic abuse, our brains get fused with neural pathways that are meant to protect us. Our brains pick up on sights, sounds, smells, textures and tastes and then remembers them as dangers. Then we literally can't stop our body from reacting in fear and terror whenever our brain is triggered with a sense of danger. It's the amygdala acting as part of our autonomic nervous system, a system that is literally automatic. Sometimes our reaction is to fight (get angry), flight (flee and distance ourselves), or freeze (get quiet and small or literally blank out). It is not uncommon for people with trauma to have no memory of the events. They may have blanked out during the events or their brains cut the memories out for self preservation.

What is your favorite meal to make for your family and why?