The past 3-years I've been on a deep and expansive journey as I've worked my way toward sobriety after 2 decades of binge drinking, recreational substance abuse, festival fun and woodlen rave adventures. Always the last one to leave the dance floor, a DJ's DREAM, I'd built a glitter empire and was the life of the party, hostess with the mostess, the most sequin jumpsuits, the most silk kimonos, the most diamante face stickers, and the most whippets stashed behind the sofa. They called me, Madame Sparkles. And everyone loved to play with, Madame ✨. Psychedelics came to me much later in my recreational adventures, and changed the game completely. All of a sudden I could no longer hide from myself and the years of early childhood and adolescent complex trauma I'd been running from for almost two decades. Mid-dancefloor disco banger, all of a sudden these strange, uncomfortable, creepy feelings would begin to emerge from depths unknown, that for a while I was able to push back down, masking the unknown with my old faithful chemical friends (IYKYK). But after a while, I could no longer hide behind my sequin jumpsuits, glitter and wigs. Nope, Mama Mushroom and Lucy Lu had other plans install for me. They wanted to introduce me to some old shadowy pals of mine that had been lingering in the dark, since, oh I don't know, what felt like the dawn of time?! I spent years exploring psychedelics in both the party/ festival scene, as well as ceremonies, and have experienced both the most joyous, awe inspiring ineffable, and "aha God" experiences, as well as the most difficult and terrifying experiences of my life, think underworld entities vibes. Looking back, I can see now that I put myself in these intense situations over and over again, because of my deep, deep desire to know myself as God. I didn't know this at the time, I was just "partying" and going along with what everyone else was doing - it was part of my socialization. But I can see now how divine the unfolding of all of it really was. I just LOVED having these multidimensional adventures and discovering secrets of the universe. For a while there, hanging out with aliens, dancing on UFOs, and completely detaching from my body and floating in the void was so much fun, I was just doing it on my own in bed on a Friday night to have those consciousness expanding experiences.