I had my annual review at work today and I am so happy! I was worried about it because I’ve been working limited hours in order to drop off and pick up my daughter from daycare.. I started this job as a single, kid less woman and a week into working I found out I was pregnant 😬 I was terrified because I had explicitly told them I had unlimited availability and as soon as I peed on that stick, in the cramped construction office, at lunchtime, and it confirmed I was pregnant.. I knew that that was radically changing. Her dad was super supportive and helpful! Until I gave birth and things drastically changed. He left her at daycare HOURS after closing 3 times. 3 fucking times. I gave him the boot cause I'm not interested in raising a child and a grown ass man. So now parental duties are entirely on me. And financial responsibilities because he refuses to help out.. 😒. I’ve been transparent with my job since the beginning. The first time he threatened to take my daughter and flea I called my boss directly and told her, through tears, what was going on and why I was in panic mode. They’ve done everything to support and help me and I am so grateful. They want me to take on more responsibilities and work towards becoming their corporate quality control manager. Which is awesome! I have all of the qualifications expect direct experience which I’ll gain in 2 more years. So in 2 years they want me to take on that role and I’m excited to do it. For now that means more work that I can complete from home which is a win win because then I’ll be working full days, I can get my daughter to and from daycare, I can spend time with her, and I can contribute more to the company that has been so supportive of me the last 3 years. One of my limiting beliefs is that I cannot be a supportive, nurturing, present mother while working full time in construction and earning enough money to support our family (including a Rottweiler and kitty) in a comfortable lifestyle. I CAN. I CAN DO ALL OF THE THINGS MY HEART DESIRES AND I CAN DO THEM WELL!!!

A lot of the same cards keep popping up. I love this visual representation of my tarot card of the day 💖

I asked my light seers tarot deck how can I move passed this grief? I spent the entire weekend crying, which is actually great. I’ve been so frozen and stuck in a state of fear and anxiety that I could not cry. This weekend the tears flowed. And flowed. And flowed.. I went to a dog pack walk at a park next to the place I had booked for my wedding. I found this place when going to these pack walks. It’s so beautiful, especially this time of year. I was so excited to take photos at this park before our wedding!! This is the first time I’ve been there since the breakup and it hit me hard. Also one of the other women who had been coming with her dog for like 15 years had a new dog. Her senior dog passed away not too long ago, and that dog was such great friends with my bff Taz, the one I put down when I was 8 months pregnant. The lack of Katie set me off too. Life keeps moving on tho… So I got there early and asked tarot “how can I move through this grief?” I got the 9 of cups as a jumper, the 6 of swords, and the 5 of cups. There is so much joy waiting for me when I make it through this grief!!! I need to let others help me along the way, be open to help, seek out help. And I need to keep an open heart. I can’t blame myself or others and I need to keep moving through it, not closing myself off and hiding from the world. A beautiful reading for myself this afternoon in a beautiful place. I have beautiful memories to hold onto and I will continue to make beautiful memories. Katie and Taz are no longer with us, but Cara and Onyx are here teaching us new lessons, teaching us new ways to love, taking us on new beautiful adventures 💖 💖💃🏻 I will Keep singing and dancing and moving through my grief. I will keep crying. I will not resent places of beauty that mean so much to me. I will share these places with new connections and build Upon my memories 🥳💖

Hello!!! I’m SusieUnicornTheGreat! (Sometimes my work uses zoom for calls and that shows up as my name 🤣🤣🤣😵‍💫) or “Sue” for short. I’m an Aquarius sun, Leo moon, Gemini rising, Capricorn Venus, and some spooky Scorpio placements. I once did a love spell and a year later gave birth to my beautiful baby girl. The same exact date a year later!! I thought the spell was bringing her dad into my life…. But it brought me her 🥰 Her dad’s been absent for over 3 months. Clearly the love spell was NOT bringing him to me forever, just long enough to bring me my greatest joy in this life!! I had to put down my dog when I was 8 months pregnant. This was huge. I ended up having to do it completely alone. A neighbor helped me get him into my car cause I couldn’t. I don’t think I’ve recovered from that grief and I feel a lot of sadness that I never grieved that event properly. It’s more than losing my best friend, my Covid buddy, my rock in this life.. I had made a pact with both my dogs that I would stay alive until they both passed. I had to put down my other dog the day before the Covid shutdown in MA because I knew that the vets wouldn’t be open for “a week” and I couldn’t torture him that much longer (good thing cause it ended up being MONTHS). This was the end of an era. I had gotten a puppy a few months before his passing, so there wasn’t much thought of keeping up my end of the deal anymore. Plus I was excited, and terrified, to meet my baby girl. I was sad that he never met her. He wanted a human sibling so bad. This week I sent a letter cancelling my wedding venue. Another end. Another moment to grieve. I’m feeling very sad and alone right now. Missing the way things were, the dreams I had for my family’s future. I’m exhausted being a single mom. I’m broke paying for everything myself. I’m sad. I’m looking for inspiration on how to live without feeling so rushed all of the time. I want to enjoy each and every moment and not think that I should be doing 10,000 other things or that I don’t have enough time to get anything done. I want to enjoy life. I want to be present.

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