I hate learning new things about myself
I’m nearly 30, but I’ve learned several things about myself this year. I freaking hate that. Learning something about yourself should be a positive thing - right? Yes, it’s good to experience a realization, learn, and grow. But it’s often rather embarrassing or painful to go through these experiences, especially when you’ve been practicing certain behaviors for months thinking it was beneficial. I was working for an insurance firm last year. I looked at the excellent pay structure, understood the product, and believed that I liked everything about the idea of selling this to individuals. They taught that anyone could do this with minimal training from any background. Is that true? Well, kind of. I could do it, but not to the level I wanted to (because being a door-to-door salesman is not something everyone can be proficient at) and I definitely was not doing work I enjoyed. I tried to convince myself that the money outweighed my feelings, but I was lying. My wife has been telling me that personality types matter, and you can’t just force yourself to do things you don’t mesh well with for long periods of time. This isn’t an excuse not to do the dishes, or to skip the only work you have lined up, but it is a crucial turning point for the scope of your life. I don’t have the salesman attitude! Here’s a head-scratcher: Would you rather look back on your life with 1) enough money, having done what you were passionate about, or 2) tons of money, having done what you despised? I’ve decided I’d rather have the former! How did I come to this realization? Hours and hours of reflection. I wasn’t sleeping well, I had pent-up energy that led me to lift weights more aggressively and run more often, and I was mentally exhausted after each day, despite not investing more than 8 hours of work. What was going on? I’ve worked plenty of 12-hour days and had no problem repeating those days for weeks on end. This, however, was brand new to me. I started looking for help. Where? On the web of course. I’m too masculine to ask a professional. (Maybe I still have more to learn, but I doubt it.) After watching tons of “finding your passion” videos and reading “how to never work a day in your life” blogs, I realized the simplest fact: I have a dozen or so passions, and I’m pursuing exactly 0 of those right now. Man can only hate himself for so long before he implodes. My thoughts were becoming quite self-destructive, and I needed a way out.