Jun 4 in Key Lessons
How To Make A Great First Impression In Just 3 Steps
Let me tell you about a time several years ago when I interviewed a potential candidate for an open position on my team.
He checked all of the boxes on paper. But he didn't pass "the vibe check."
I didn't hit it off with him. I didn't come away thinking to myself, "Wow, I really liked him."
But while some people can't pinpoint why they don't click with people, I've studied communication long enough to know what was missing.
- He didn't smile.
- He didn't open up about himself.
- He didn't ask open-ended questions.
And for a role that required someone to be personable with clients and partners, I knew this wouldn't work.
The good thing is that this isn't something innate. Passing "the vibe check" with anyone you meet -- whether in an interview, networking event, or 1:1 with a colleague -- can easily be trained by following three simple practices. I broke it down in the video above and summarized it below.
#1: Master the Duchenne Smile (0:00 - 1:46)
The "Duchenne Smile" is a natural, enthusiastic facial expression that relies on engaging both the mouth and eye muscles. It's the difference between a half-hearted grin and a warm, inviting beam that instantly puts people at ease.
To practice, place your index fingers at the corners of your closed lips and gently raise them into a smile, exposing your teeth slightly. You may feel goofy at first, but stick with it while speaking aloud. You're training the muscles to smile more naturally.
When you smile authentically while conversing, your tone becomes more positive and engaging. It makes you instantly more likable and approachable. Why? Because your facial expressions are the remote control to the emotions behind your voice.
#2: Ask Open-Ended Questions (1:47 - 3:19)
Rather than keeping things surface level by discussing the weather or sharing basic facts, ask questions that allow the other person to open up about their true thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Use conversational prompts like:
- "What brought you to Seattle?"
- "What motivated you to join X company?
- "How do you know X person?"
Notice that open-ended questions typically start with the words "what" and "how." They do not start with words like "do," "are," and "is." Try to ask one open-ended question within the first 5 minutes of conversation.
#3: Tell Immersive, Descriptive Stories (3:20 - End)
Don't just give cut-and-dry explanations about yourself. Instead, leverage one of these 3 compelling storytelling methods in just 30-45 seconds:
1) Describe a defining moment in vivid detail to allow them to visualize the scene
2) Share the defining emotion you felt during an impactful experience
3) Reenact a verbatim dialogue between yourself and someone else
For example, say someone asks me, "What brought you to Seattle?"
I would describe the defining moment that brought me to Seattle.
"When I first met my now wife in business school back in Boston about 5 years ago, she and I needed to compromise on where we'd relocate after graduating. While she wanted to return to Asia, I as an American couldn't get comfortable with the idea. So instead, we agreed that I'd move to wherever she'd find a job in the US. And here we are! It's been awesome so far."
Notice how the defining moment was centered around potential conflict that turned out for the best.
It could also be a defining emotion, defining scene, defining conversation, or anything that allows the other person to visualize your story.
These 3 aspects just skim the surface of all the communication techniques you'll find in my comprehensive masterclass, The Speaker Student Masterclass HERE. It contains hours of lessons and drills for mastering storytelling and human connection. It also includes a limited time opportunity to get personalized coaching from me if you purchase today.
Implementing these 3 core practices alone should give you a noticeable boost in your ability to get anyone to like you from the moment you meet them. Give them a try. Looking forward to hearing what you think.
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How To Make A Great First Impression In Just 3 Steps
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