Ennui: A feeling. Dissatisfaction or listlessness caused by a lack of occupation or excitement. I learned this word whilst reading The Notes From The Underground by Dostoyevsky. It is a feeling I am all too familiar with, and one that I am sure is not unique to me. I did not know the feeling could be summarised in a word. The feeling of Ennui is like a tiredness with life, it occurs when we're burned out, when we've been trying and trying day in day out, over and over and yet nothing seems to have come from it. The chances are, if you're anything like me, if you sacrifice your time, energy and effort to pursue something "more" then you too have felt this. More extreme forms of ennui, or perhaps natural extensions of it could be characterised as a sort of suicidal ideation: The feeling of "it would be ok if I didn't wake up tomorrow", or perhaps even wishing for that. In Dostoyevsky's work the protagonist turns to nihilism. He does not care for other people, he views his work as above everybody else's, he is superior in every way because he can see the world for how it really is. He is bitter and resentful and entirely unpleasant to be around, doomed to make poor decision after poor decision fighting against any helping hand or act of kindness. If we are not careful, it's not inconceivable that we let ennui degenerate into this sort of outlook and lifestyle ourselves. Ennui, I would argue is natural. However I would presume it is much more prevalent in the modern day than ever before. I removed myself from social media for a year, and upon my return after 1 month I found myself much more susceptible to this feeling. "Comparison is the thief of joy" so the saying goes; it is also the catalyst of dissatisfaction, loss of excitement and utter listlessness. Content of far more successful people foisted upon us each and everyday can easily create the uneasy feeling. The good news is, this is just a feeling and not a chronic disorder. To remedy yourself of this feeling, I borrow the 8-dimensions of success from Peterson: "You need an intimate partner, you need a family, you need some friends, you need a job or a career, you need to use your time outside of work productively and meaningfully, and treat yourself appropriately mentally and physically so you can maintain your health, you need to engage with the broader social community, continually educate yourself and develop your skills."

A good life is as simple as this: You’re born crying in a room full of happy loved ones welcoming you to the world; you die happy in a room full of crying loved ones upset to see you go. Sickness, death and grief have been recurring themes in my family for a while now. It seems there is no shortage of terminal illness or flat out death. In all of this there is an important lesson which we may take for granted. You can quite literally see the measure of impact an individual has had in their life by the number of people who rush to their bedside when their time is dwindling or passed. Some of my relatives have visitors from across the country, across the world even just to spend precious moments together, to hear untold stories and share some final moments of laughter and joy. Other relatives were not so fortunate, not so popular, ultimately could not have felt as loved. The approach I have taken in recent years, since loosing my grandad, is to give your loved ones their flowers whilst they are still with you. I think it was Andrew Garfield who said that the feeling of grief is just all of the unreleased love you didn’t get to show that person when they were alive. I take this very literally and it terrifies me so I spend as much time as I can with my nans, listening to their stories and their wisdom, taking interest and making an effort. I try to do this whilst they are in relatively good health now because I don’t want to feel the sudden burden of panic to rush to the bedside when illness hits, to cram in some memories in the short time they may have left. I want to cherish these people whilst I have them, and they have their health. Until recently, I had been prioritising my nans because they are the eldest members of my immediate family, and I assumed that their time would be the shortest. I learned the hard way that this is simply untrue and instead now I endeavour to make the most of the time I have with all of my family members. For a lot of us, we’re so keen to “start” a family, we’re in such a rush to extend our family with our own children that we forget that we can care for, and provide for the family we already have, those who have already been caring for us. Proverbs 11:25 tells us “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.” I take this to mean that the true, genuine, unconditional love you show to your family and loved ones will be returned to you when your days are numbered and your own health dwindles.