Before you go to the cemetery today, I have this great practice to share with you! Do this to make the most out of your day, so you will not just be going for the sake of tradition or to save your dead relatives from the shame of having no visitors and the living ones from smelling candles and jasmine flowers/sampaguita by the evening from invisible visitors.
Before I continue, I'd like to introduce myself. I'm Ralfh as an artist and writer and Gerald as a coach, but I don't really coach here. I'm just here for Alon's and to join some of Karen's sessions.
My tip for you is to bring a sheet of paper per relative you'd be visiting, and a black pen.
And write to them while in front of their grave or in front of anything you associate with them.
I had this idea and calling this midnight, and it makes total sense to do it! I felt called to move people and make them write.
In teaching languages (what I used to do) and communication (what I do), we have 2 macroskills for expression: writing and speaking. Unless the thought comes out of your body, it is not expressed.
I've noticed that it's not really a local culture to talk to the non-living like the tombstone of our relatives, despite our highly spiritual culture, so there is shame in being misperceived when expressing ourselves to our relatives no longer in the world of the living.
That is why we write! To express our intentions to them while there, remembering their goodness, and all the small details that remind us of them, and how with all the changes that occured, they still have a place in our reality.
For me, I want my grandmother to know that I still feel her long fingers in my palms whenever she gives me money secretly, for my uncle, the bananas he buy from Pasig, and for my dog, his spot beside the cabinet.
After writing, you may leave it on their tombs, or by the altar, or dig the ground beside a tree to burry it. It depends on your faith and belief. It is certain that no matter what it -ism it is, we all shared love with someone in flesh, and we now continue to, but in spirit and thought.
With this practice, we can make the most out of today, dig the innermost part of ourselves that we shared with them. Who knows if you still have guilt and grief in your heart? Do they know? I know you know. Let them.
I had this idea as an artist to collect people's letters to turn it into a sculpture dedicated for the souls, metaphorically representating the hole in our hearts for them to know that they cannot be replaced or forgotten. I'll do this next year, but I'll release the concept on my socials soon! You can contribute and send your letters to my house! But tell your relatives not to visit me, please.
"People always say: 'I want to leave a mark in this world.' Yadah. Yadah. But what really matters is the void we leave behind."
-Aling Susan, Hintayan ng Langit (2018)
May this practice bring healing both in the world of the living and the dead.
Sumulat, lumaya, at patuloy na magmahal.
Nagpapaalala,
Ralfh Gerald S. Gallegos