Healing Narcissism + Accessing Inaccessible Memories?

I've recently become aware that I exhibit highly narcissistic traits, mostly of the covert type. I've engaged in unconscious reactive abuse toward my girlfriend, have completely neglected her needs and desires, and have basically detonated my relationship with her. I've focused too much on my own crap and not paid any attention to what she is metaphorically screaming in my face about what she wants out of the relationship. It's all been about me me me, and how I'm a victim of my past. To the point where she says she's done with me completely.

There's a channel on YouTube called The Nameless Narcissist (https://www.youtube.com/c/thenamelessnarcissist) and some of his videos scare the shit out of me because they describe my own life almost to a T. The lack of empathy (At least until a year or two ago), the inability to relate to people, feeling like a total failure, and more. And I take that out on my girlfriend by projection, blame shifting, and deflection. I've accused her of everything I do. I've blamed her for making me feel like a failure. I broke up with her because I felt like I could never be good enough and then begged to stay with her four days later. I have massive commitment issues, fearing that I'll lose myself to the relationship and not get what I want. If I even know what I want, which changes from minute to minute.

I literally do not know how to properly listen to her and have it stick, and have extreme trouble remembering conversations, even conversations that happen twenty minutes before. I've tried bringing up conversations I just had with her right before my session with my psychologist and cannot remember the exact order of events, content, and sometimes how they made me feel.

I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to be a bad boyfriend, or a bad person in general. I do feel like I'm a generally empathetic person and care about other people, and want to give my girlfriend all the love she never got as a child. I want her to stay with me, but when I think about why the main reasons are 1) I want to just hug and hold her even though she hates hugs, and 2) She's the only person who really knows who I am. Not even my mother or my brother or my late father know who I really am. I only really recently kind of saw myself for who I am, a scared and angry inner teenager pissed off that no one wants to know him or love him and a terrified little boy scared to do or say anything because he'll be judged and criticized and yelled at for not being a Perfect Little Boy for Mommy. When I think about why I'm trying to salvage the relationship it always goes back to I don't want to be a complete failure and abusive boyfriend, and I want to prove that I'm a good man who loves and cares about his lady.

I think this stems from both my hyper-critical mom, and from my time in the hospital as a kid fighting cancer. I had no control over my life in there, and it was a literal life and death situation. I have a few memories of being in there, not a lot. Whenever I go back to that hospital to visit a friend or relative I remember all the hallways my dad and I used to explore late at night. The last time I was there I walked around the basement and remembered almost everything, because everything was almost the same right down to the paint color. But I don't remember my experiences except for a few things. I want to remember the bad memories so I can try to process through them.

Can this hypnosis help heal my narcissistic tendencies and unlock some memories? I want to feel those memories because I think it will help me process and become a more whole person. I feel like my narcissism is a defense adaptation to mom, the hospital, and fractured friends and childhood I had.

I have done the self guided audio many times, but I don't know if it's properly geared for this particular problem. There have been sessions where I come out of it thinking it did nothing at all.

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