WEEKLY COPY REVIEW: Headline Breakdown · The 4D Copywriting Community

WEEKLY COPY REVIEW: Headline Breakdown

👉 The Copy

This is a sales page headline from @life 👇

The Headline:

Attention: Dropshippers struggling to get over $259/m…

Start making $10k/mo just like my student Derek as fast as possible with the NEW “Magnetic sales” system to drive more profit to the business for FREE

While only working 3 hours per day, learning at the same time and getting access to a network of businessmen.

👉 The Review

In the audience callout ("Attention dropshippers struggling to get over $259/mo") the number is so random that it doesn't make any sense. It would be a much better callout if you identified the dropshippers based on their pain points.

In the main headline, why should I care about Derek? Who is he? How do I know he didn't get just "lucky"? These are all questions that pop into my mind when you bring up 1 random testimonial. If you use 1 testimonial, people generally think it's not true. If you use 2, people might think it's luck. If you use 3+, then it's believable. In this case, I'd use a super specific number.

The unique mechanism "Magnetic sales" is just.... meh. It's not great because it's purely curiosity-based and has no logic to it, so my B.S. meters are going off the charts. Also I've seen this same unique mechanism many times before.