To all my friends on here that have served, honour and respect from me to you and love.

My weigh in Day, little up, got me down a little, but i have let things slip a little, so got to try and get back to it, want to be in the 80s before Christmas, even be happy with 89kg. got to do it, have to do it.

Ok so major one for me. On Sunday I sat in the car with my wife in a garden centre car park. The words leave her mouth 'im' worried about you'. Instant feeling that I'm letting her down. I'm supposed to be the strong provider and protector right? Truth of the matter is, and this is hard for me to say, I have been struggling with my mental health for the past 3 months. My self confidence is at an all time low. My negative self talk has taken over and I'm in a hole. So why am I posting this? Well number 1, because the more I say it, the more it makes it real and I can't hide from it. And number 2, because tomorrow is my first appointment of therapy. I'm shitting it. I've done therapy before, but I need to be honest. I want to be happy inside and feel confident in the person I am. At 38 years old I need to find who I am and accept myself and stop hating myself. Time to stop avoiding and time to face facts.

mid week check in, food on track and eating really well, all healthy options, Missing me Kebabs but that another story lol, training on track 2 workouts done MOnday and Today, these are little hindered with my Shoulder pain so have to adapt all workouts. My board and things i need to do this week all on track and down to my last one so I am ahead of myself well chuffed with this.

Really crappy Nights sleep Sunday, into Monday, with the house all sick last week, we forgot to get some of my Medication for my ADHD and pain managment for my shoulder, this took a tole on my sleep in a big way, managed to get to sleep around 3am, up at 9am not great but needed some sleep, I had planed for an am workout, but keeping to my own word got it done in the afternoon so job done, My planing i do is always subject to life things changing in life, I just move things around to fit them still in.