I have nothing to write today...

I have been sick for the last 5 days with the most serious of colds... Influenza A. So this is my attempt to 'demonstrate' some level of productivity. Even when I lied in bed with a resting heart rate of 80bpm (my normal range is 45-50), I struggled to let myself simply 'rest.'

In my own feverish state, I was telling myself...

'Even though I'm sick, I can still think of ideas! That's still working!'

This was at 3am, when I could feel my heartbeat in my skull, and I had to wipe sweat off my body every 5 minutes.

Somehow, I drifted off to sleep.

When I woke up a few hours later, head still throbbing, shirt drenched, I woke up to the 'dream' of missing my alarm for work.

Despite turning off my alarm the day before, my body was still conditioned to 'waking up' at 4:30am to make sure I get to work on time.

Years ago, I used to think this was a good thing. It was a 'badge' of some sort to never miss a day at work. And to be able to 'turn up' even when I was tired.

Now that I'm 31, I realise the futility of this thinking. Because overall, I've been sick for almost 9 weeks in a row. I first started feeling sick mid May. I am about to finish my medication by the end of July.

It is this exact mentality - the attachment to productivity, that is getting my body into trouble.

I am by no means old, don't get me wrong. I am physically fitter than most people in this world. But even I have pushed my own needle too far - to the point where for the first time in my life...

I was concerned for my body.

Most of us in this group are 30s+, and some of us rely on our bodies for income.

For me, I am a coach and a lot of my work involves teaching movement. My physical health is almost directly proportional to my ability to generate income.

So I am incredibly sensitive to the perils of ill physical health.

My job isn't even heavily physical either. I just teach and move around all day. I don't ever lift anything heavy. There are people out there doing physical labour as their main work.

I got here because I fell back into the trap of thinking if I wasn't being 'productive' (measured by OUTPUT), I was somehow being useless.

I know this isn't true. Even if I wasn't producing 'outputs', I am not a useless person. I have plenty to offer. As do any of you reading this post.

Some say I feel this way because of the 'working culture' of Sydney, but honestly I think it's a bit more complex than that.

Regardless, if you're reading this, just remember that productivity doesn't always mean what outputs you can create.

It also means just taking the time to heal. To respect your body's natural processes.

The most productive thing you can do is to look after yourself and those around you, as a whole.

This includes rest.

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