There is a Fate Worse than Death

I was watching a movie called 'The Old Guard' with my girlfriend the other day.

The movie is about a group of people who are immortal (no spoilers there), haha.

One of the immortals is faced with a terrible fate - she is captured and locked in the depths of the ocean. Drowning to death, then reviving, only to drown again.

Despite being 'immortal,' she has a fate worse than death. She experiences the pain of dying, every few minutes, for eternity.

I wondered to myself - if I was in her position, I think I'd much rather just die.

I suppose it's similar to the torture practices of waterboarding, where you face near death, only to be given the relief of air, just so you can go through the same painful practice.

Metaphorically speaking, I think many people live a variation of this, although nowhere near that uncomfortable.

Many people live two very different lives.

The first, is what they do in the outside world. What they do as their job, their relationships, and their hobbies.

The second, is what they do in their internal world. What they fantasise about 'being' or 'doing' one day. What they'd rather be doing. Who they'd prefer to be.

I believe the further away your internal world is from your external world, the greater your struggle will be.

In a metaphorical sense - you are drowning. You are drowning in either the external world or the internal, neither is more 'beneficial' than the other.

You can have a good 'external' life but your internal world could be trash. These people are the types who might have good money, a property, and 'appear' successful. But on the inside, they dread their relationships, they hate going to work and they tell themselves its all 'worth it' because 'look at what I have.'

On the other end of the spectrum, you might have a great 'internal' life but your external world could be trash. These are the types of people who are 'content' with themselves and 'feel great' but have nothing on the outside. This in itself is not a 'bad' thing. However, if you have people who rely on you in some capacity, like kids, parents or even just friends - then 'being content' with yourself whilst you are not able to look after those around you is going to cause friction at some point.

Both of these examples show the same thing - you are alive, but at the same time, unable to 'live'. You wake up everyday and you are drowning in the external or internal world (or both).

So what's the 'fix?'

The fix is to align your internal and external world as closely as you can. It doesn't have to match 100%.

But there has to be SOME semblance.

If you are not living out your internal world like, maybe you always wanted to start that 'side hustle', or you always wanted to 'sing' but were embarrassed to do so because you're a 'corporate' guy, or maybe you've always wanted to live abroad for a year...

Eventually, these ghosts will punish you. They will punish you in the form of internal resentment. But they will ALSO punish you when you see the next generation of youths reflect your inadequacies back at you.

If you are not showing up in the EXTERNAL world, like making enough money to support yourself, or your kids, or help out your family, then eventually, the external world will crush you. It's all well and good to 'be at peace' with yourself and live with 'nothing worldly.' But one of the purposes in your life is to contribute and support others. If you are not doing that in SOME WAY, even if it's not EXACTLY what you want to be doing, eventually the external world will crush you.

Imagine going through the next 30-40 years of your life never reaching close congruity between your internal and external world. It's like the lady in the movie - immortal, but drowning everyday. Alive, but dying.

So where do you start?

You start with realising that you only have one life - so start living as closely as you can to the one that you want.

If you 'want' to do something, but haven't, GO DO IT. Start small. If you want to sing at bars, then start by just singing a song a day. Use vocal lessons on YouTube. If you've always wanted to write jokes, start by telling your friends jokes. It might take at best, 1-2 hours out of your week, whilst you are balancing the external world.

In the opposite, if the external world is crushing you, then get out there and start giving back to it. The external world will crush you if you do not, in some way, enhance it for others. This doesn't mean you need to start a political movement. This might mean working as a barista and serving coffee. This might mean working at your local supermarket. All of these serve the community in some way.

The sooner you start to merge your internal and external worlds - the less you'll feel like you're suffocating or drowning.

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