Turning The Page... · RyanFowlerSOS

Turning The Page...

I decided to make some big life changes today and cut out a couple things I've been hanging onto that really aren't working. I see this as a good sign! I just want to put it down somewhere to cement it in my mind that these shifts are happening...

My first big goal that I can remember since joining the self-development community was quitting porn. Unfortunately I have only had limited success.

I got really deep into the nofap community, posting on the forums there daily for years (they are big on daily journal entries). I decided to delete my account there today because it obviously isn't helping and I think that community keeps far more people stuck than it saves. The need to get a perfect streak in order to move on to "X" thing, and once they hit their target they almost always relapse shortly afterwards or before and end up right back in that pit. Obviously this is self sabotage and I have done it myself a number of times. It also plays into my toxic need to do things "perfectly" and takes me out of actually living and pursuing what I want.

I also left my volunteer position working with a local non-profit that works with the mental health community locally here because the vibe is way off. If anything even slightly offends, overwhelms or makes anyone feel unsafe it isn't aloud, but the problem is that everything triggers somebody so you increasingly can't act naturally and I need to get in touch with my authentic self and learn to act boldly.

Another problem with this place is that some of the girls that work there just want to use me for attention because I am the only attractive guy there, but they have boyfriends and stuff so whatever... I need to stop getting sucked into these types of dynamics.

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