Interesting conversations with my kids. With my son yesterday ‘How are you feeling mate with the pain - sorry I don’t ask you that. ’…. You don’t have to ask me that Dad - Mum does it all the bloody time. ‘This must frustrate you. The whole thing with being at home must be frustrating - I bet you miss all your mates. How that makes you feel must be worse than being in pain,? Not much of a reaction from him at the time, but he opened up later in the day and included me in some Lego time, which he hadn’t done for weeks. Can’t expect too much from him with respect to sharing how he feels - considering his role model up to now. @Daniel Munro Cheers Dan was great to feel some connection with him. Conversation still felt controlled, but it’s a start. And with my Daughter today on the drive to school apologising to her for being stuck in my head with thoughts and not feeling well when I picked her up yesterday. ‘That’s ok Dad we all get like that and feel like shit and don’t always know why - I feel like that a lot and don’t say anything - you are just the same as everyone, but it still sucks. I know it had nothing to do with me’… At 17 she can express Empathy better than me at 51. Hope she doesn’t feel she needs to try and manage my feelings though. Probably need to give credit where credits due for how she has turned out - to my Wife. It’s an interesting concept to me interacting with others from their perspective, rather than from my own self-centredness. Allows the space in response to choose not to follow the automatic victim pattern but to accept what’s in front of me. At least that’s the overanalysed theory in my Nice Guy mind. Now to turn that back on myself and show empathy for my behaviour in the Now, rather than judge myself on a past or future imaginary story which only exists in my mind.

Hey guys, the video, audio and chat box recordings are now available in the Dropbox folder for yesterday's session. Password is in your email (for paying Brotherhood members only). Thanks to @Slava K , @Chris Thompson and @Aaron Frater for sharing your ideas in a debate about how to enjoy life more. We explored the difference between enjoyment and temporary pleasure, as well as the relationship between stress and enjoyment of life. Extra resources that back up our discussion: - The Frame Control course is probably the most relevant for a deeper dive into this topic. - Podcast on managing stress - How to deal with pressure NEXT CALL TIME - Europe: Wed 20th Nov, 9pm CET (8pm UK time) - USA: Wed 20th Nov, 12pm PST (3pm EST) - Oceania: Thurs 21st Nov, 9am NZ time (7am Sydney time) - Asia: Thurs 21st Nov, 1:30am India Time Message or email me if you won't make it and want questions answered, and let me know if you're keen for the hot seat (next is Chris). Zoom link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/82202610772

Daily Dose of Integrity I am from New Zealand and, for the longest time, I wondered why does New Zealand have this weird thing where anybody trying to stand out, do well, and have their own back, gets cut down to size, usually by the people closest to them, the people who should be supporting them? This is not unique to New Zealand. My theory is that what we're seeing is a type of herd behaviour. If you zoom out and you look at the human race as just being a herd of animals, a herd of mammals, you will notice that the outliers—people who stand out from the rest—are like those points on the graph that don't line up with the median line. They're a risk to the herd. They're the ones who create a risk of a coup—these are the ones who could take over leadership. They're the ones who challenge what is and represent a risk to the status quo—they might set a new trend and change things. They represent a risk—just in that they're different. All the cognitive biases that lead to stereotyping and racism are at play here as well: people have the same reaction to somebody who's different. We just think “Threat!”, straight away. To dive deeper into this topic, check out the original video here: https://youtu.be/v8xDJ2Cj7YA

Daily Dose of Integrity What's the cure to being a Nice Guy with an Avoidant attachment style? Well, there are a number of different approaches you can take, depending on how this manifests for you. One thing to do is to step back from the spotlight if you're the entertainer type. If you're the kind of a person who always tries to steal the glory, be the funniest one and put on a show—if you know that when you show up, it's show time—start quietening down a little bit. Let somebody else be the one who tells the jokes. Let somebody else be the one who impresses everybody. Let somebody else win. Just try to get comfortable with not impressing people. Get comfortable at not making people like you and be at peace when people keep you at the distance. Start being one of the crowd rather than the one on the stage. You know, for me, this meant to stop trying to be funny all the time. There are other things I was doing—I was also very impressive at work, and I'd play in a band, etc. But for me, the big one was to just stop telling jokes all the fucking time, like I'm Chandler from Friends. To dive deeper into this topic, check out the original video here: https://youtu.be/wgHnTq_JlRE

How many of the ideas for courageous decisions first come into the world disguised as a joke? A joke is a way of voicing a deep desire, before we’ve fully realised it. A joke is low stakes - no one expects you to follow through. It’s a way of subconsciously seeking feedback from others as your brain is quietly bubbling and wondering in the background. Perhaps it’s weak honesty, but it can also be a way of psyching ourselves up. Have you ever joked… “Maybe I should be a…” “Maybe I should tell them that…” “Maybe I should move to…” Ha ha… … and somewhere deep down you know it’s exactly what you would do if only you had the courage? I’ve noticed that I joke in this way, most recently here on Brojo. When I shared that I had just finished writing a book, in which honesty plays the hero, I joked that perhaps Dan and I could establish "Integrity Army Publishing". I didn’t make the connection at the time, but I later realised that behind the “joke”, which was positively received, my brain was busy deciding to start my own publishing label. I called myself out. Two days later I took the leap, established Thorndon Press, and claimed the role of Publisher. I have the required skills, but I still had to build a bridge over the fear of failure. I got to the other side by asking myself two questions: What idea thrills you and lights you up, but feels out of reach? What will you regret being too scared to try? Onward.