This is really only applicable if you're out of the stage where the popular girls don't think of you as worthless skinny fat loser shit. E.g You're physically bigger, you've shown/demonstrated multiple times you're confident whether that be by answer the teacher's question in a interesting way with a confident voice, or joking around with mates, or being even "the main speaker" so you always say things first, you always initiate the conversations, so on and so forth. This is a mental shift I've made recently, kind of a "shower thought" now that I think of it (you know those insane or billion dollar thoughts you randomly get in the shower or on a walk?) And why I say this is a mental shift is because I still have some remnants of the old "shy and insecure, looked down upon by the popular "hot" girls me". Meaning, whenever a girl would say something to me, or not talk to me much, or not give eye contact, I'd automatically think that they have like a perfect sense of self, high self-esteem, confident and not like "worthless" old me. Another example would be when I was with a girl in one of my classes as a pair (teacher did some goofy ass pairing techniques: "choose someone in the room you've never talked to before" bruh wtf) And so this girl comes and sits next to me (although I have talked to her multiple times before). ;) but what really perplexed me time and time again about this girl, was her unpredictable nature, it was like she wanted to talk to me, but couldn't really. Like, saying something but not looking at me, looking at me, asking me something, hearing my response but not answering that and swapping to doing something completely different. All very kinda fast paced. Until after I made this mental shift, I realised the ENTIRELY POSSIBLE AND PROBABLY REALISTIC realisation that, oh shit. What if she's shy? I mean. Look at me. Hench af. Dressed smart. Loud and confident in the classroom. Shit. I mean. I'd be scared of me? If I was a girl? ??

Saw the girl I liked and nearly got with, with her boyfriend. (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH) Anyways... Sat down in a new classroom for my subject and took a test on the first day, the same girls that I think liked me prior to summer, gave looks. I talked to the literally only other boy that's in my class, catch up with him, joke around in good spirits. Then after lesson, I see another one of my friends that's about to take the test I just did, I tell him the goods. Then, I go into my tutor form (kinda like a subject (not really) that tells you what the school wants to tell you) and it's entirely new. See that I KNOW NO ONE, I sit next to a pillar on a big table on my own, the teacher (nice lad) asks me to sit on the back table because we're gonna to a group activity with a slight "is this okay?" facial expression, I say "yeah" non-chalantly, not knowing what I'm getting myself into. I then grab my stuff and turn around... Table of girls. Fuck. Regardless of this though, I went and made my entrance, doing the group activity, suggesting creative weird ass ideas like people owning more dogs so food can be given to dogs and not wasted (we were doing a teamwork task on waste management), eye contact (made sure of it), relaxed as much as possible, full breath, and so on. Made a good impression there (atleast I think so) Also realised there was actually a friend on the table next to the girl table I was on. That made it a lot more comfortable. Then after that lesson and after the toilet I saw a friend of a friend, accompanied him to get his history books, nice chat. Walked around abit for break trying to kill time. Found couple of friends as break ended, talked a bit. Went into another subject class, talked, joked, even talked about my channel for a while. Went into another subject class, talked, caught up with people. Then when waiting to be picked up after college ended (it was pouring rain, monsoon level) Saw I what I think was my crush I used to have when I was little? now she's in college? didn't get to talk to her. FUCK.

“Instead of spending time getting in the mood to work. Just start working. Confront the work. People think they need perfect conditions to start, when in reality starting is the perfect condition.“ - Chris Williamson (or whoever told him that lol) Point is, motivation comes after you start working. Something to think about if you've been in a rut. All the best, Benji

What would you like to see more videos on? It would be amazing if I could hear your opinion on this, What are your thoughts? Even if their not video topic related, what do think I should do more of? Or change? E.g length of video, music or no music, real life footage examples after giving the advice? Some random ass video ideas I think of in the shower or some shit, in the poll below in case you can't think of any: (note: try to keep the suggestions in the charisma/social skills place, but of course you're welcome to suggest anything?) Cheers man.

This morning I woke up to my usual motivational alarm. https://soundcloud.com/jake-wilbanks-429616436/there-is-no-other-god-but I use alarmy app btw to put the song in. Anyways as I woke up I didn’t do what I’ve been doing the past weeks which is letting myself slip and go back to sleep cuz this time was different. This time I asked my friend to hold me accountable, that if I didn’t send him a pic of me in the kitchen at 7am that he could “point n go” me, which essentially means he gets to point at a girl and i have to go talk to her. And so, I do exactly that and avoid punishment. But then… Right after I take the picture and set my phone down, I was hit with the recall of the dream I just had. The dream of someone I (sort of) had a relationship with. The dream of holding her in my arms, but also slowly walking away from me. (Boohoo i know) But this fucked with me and as Im frantically laughing (in pain) I realised and managed to again link it back to God. I thought potentially he was showing the pain that I caused to her by cutting her off and not talking to her. At that time also, I recalled something I heard from a podcast that every women is Gods daughter, everyone man is Gods son. Linking it back to my situation, presumably I’ve hurt his daughter. Now. Not to get to hypothetical and preacher like. How I think i got to this point was because in the last few days I had been journalling back and recall even (referencing material, she marked my notebook) to tell a story for a video. ( this is basically method acting for recalling memories) So my hypothesis is that, that got me back in the state of when she was a part of my life. Hence the dreams. If you’re wondering why im telling you this story. Well. Im not so sure myself, but what I am sure of is that this is a “home work for life” a exercise from a book I'm reading at the moment which tells me to record a significant part of my day to