2d ago in General discussion
Siblings and Parents
Hello , I'm tagging you cause you said it'd be a good idea for me to do so with my next post/question. I understand this might not exactly be what you normally talk about, but I will give it a shot.
I was just reflecting on mine and my sisters relationship. We're not close. She's younger by 5 years and we have no other siblings.
I get the feeling that there is potential for a good connection between us 2, and I think we share some of the same "inner problems", and a lot of the same interests/ideas too. Our parents divorced when I was 11, and she 6, so naturally I think she was affected more by the divorce. But I have a hunch that the divorce, and our parents' relationship in general, had an effect on the dynamic between her and I. (Not that I noticed a sudden change)
I get the feeling that my sister has a lot on her mind which she doesn't say. She doesn't like to open up and isn't often that real. I also think she wants my attention, but she tries getting it in negative ways. She has done so since we were very little. Been very negative and that.
But she also pushes me away at the same time. I think she has always wanted my attention but didn't know how to get it.
I think she worries about her image and I'm not sure exactly which fears she may have. But I know that she has fears that are driving her. Often, she'll do something funny without knowing it, but when people laugh she gets insecure and thinks we're laughing at her expense. I can't remember it happening lately, but there have been lots of times where ALL she wanted was for me to stop laughing. Her emotions took over. But she's had a similar reaction to my dad as well.
And on the flip side, there have been times where me and her have played together, or just spent time together where I could tell she was super happy. The most recent memory I remember was when I was driving her, I noticed she had a nice blouse on which I thought was a lot more classy and nice and elegant than what she usually wears. So I complimented her and I could tell she really enjoyed that compliment, genuinely.
But also on that drive, I realised how similar we are in ways that surprised me. We talked for about an hour and got more comfortable than normal with each other. It almost felt like we were strangers getting to know each other. And it perpetually does, even though we've lived together since she was born. Because we're just in our seperate rooms.
I have not always been the strongest brother and feel like she feels betrayed by me in a sense, because I was weak when I should've been strong and someone she could depend on. And our Dad's not strongest most masculine guy.
I've Worked on my masculinity in recent years though.
A funny thing I've noticed too, is that when we go to England to visit family there, my sister often dislikes it. But me and her become a lot closer. It's like she leans on me in a sense, and it just feels a lot more natural when we interact. Not sure why. Maybe because we're the only Danish people there and that creates a bond?
I wonder whether it's worth it for me to put effort into making our relationship better, or whether it would be a waste of energy. I feel like I should be the one to make it happen, if anyone. But I know that I can't do all the work either.
I've always been told that our relationship will get better as well get older. Hasn't happened yet. And I only see us solidifying the already established dynamic if nothing happens. The only time I've seen improvement is when I've actively interacted with her more. (But sometimes that's backfired because I was too focused on it and it then started feeling forced/needy)
But if it IS worth it to put in the effort, then I'm not sure quite which approach to take, cause I'm not sure exactly what the problem is that I am trying to solve. The root. I just have an idea.
I feel like sitting down and being direct. Asking her about how she feels, and has been feeling. But I doubt she'll open up, she'll understand herself, she'll be able to articulate it, she'll be able to be direct (Cause women often aren't) etc. She's young too, and I could inagine such a conversation going better when she's more mature. But I think she is very mature when she wants to be.
I also would feel uncomfortable bringing it up tbh, and I feel like there'd need to be a build up to it. But I find it hard to create the build up, cause she pushes me away.
Maybe I could start by just putting myself in her space and expecting nothing. Just popping my head in her room and saying hi, and that's it. Or telling her stories/staying things. That's something I've learnt in pickup recently.
In daygame, girls don't want to be asked questions, cause they might find you interesting, but don't know who the fuck you are. But then you just give the girl opportunities to comment on statements you make, or tell a story to show some value. But you don't require anything from her, so it is non-needy.
Thank you for reading and for any clarity you're able to provide. I hope you can apply your knowledge about male and female psychology in this context.
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Siblings and Parents
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