its been a couple of days since i did the group session with trinley i realized maybe the thing im pursuing isnt really what i want so i spent a couple of days exploring that and i figured even if it wasnt what i wanted, it still doesnt explain why i waste the entire day on doing nothing but scrolling and distracting myself i even made a pledge to myself that im free to do whatever i want to do , i just dont want that feeling of dread and distraction , i dont want to feel like i wasted the entire day, in my eyes even spending the day on video games is still a level up for me because i already spend the entire day literally just sitting in front of the computer watching stupid shit or reading stupid shit i know this isnt the case because i wasnt like this when i was a teenager for some reason , i always had something interesting to do yet now as an adult, i have nothing , and i dont know why i see other people , online and in real life, doing the things i want to be doing so effortlessly, and i almost cry how come they dont battle with themselves how come they do it so easily how come they have what i dont have how come they are living the life i disparately want yet i cant reach whenever i see students for instance posting cool projects theyre doing or someone irl doing something cool not even related to studies my heart just pounces i know that at some level this is atleast partly what i want , yet its so beyond my reach like i can never bridge the gap are they simply smarter than me? or somehow non broken like i am ? or something else going on? when can i finally be free to be me , to do what i want , to do what i say i wanna do its been years and the ache have only grown i dont understand why is it so impossible to change

this is a part two of my prev post i heavily dislike the behaviorism type of changework (atomic habits is the king of this topic) where you merely optimize your environment, block out all distractions and make work "easier" by having it ready before hand and somehow this will help you change overtime. The idea is the mind is a muscle and the more you train it the better it gets but this model fails drastically how often do you go on streaks where you quit or do something, only to horrifically fall off the wagon how many stories of alcoholics you hear that have been abstinent for literal years only to fall off in one big bender that completely destroys all the progress theyve made on the contrast, there are people who instantly change, they instantly change careers, quit smoking, do amazing things instantly, with no real drawback or regression what gives?

what are you currently struggling with in regards to your life? what would be valuable to you in this community that we're not currently offering?