Dread and regaining frame situation

We have met 5 years ago . I was very attracted to her physically as looks wise she is my FedEx girl . However , her personality and attitude on first date ( very guarded , almost confrontational and simply difficult to keep any light and playful conversation going ) made me proceed with caution . As she explained later she took me for a player and felt obligated to be difficult . I ended the date abruptly which left her shocked and dazed sitting motionless alone at the table.

I simply realized I could easily get way over my head fucking her which I did not doubt I could but dealing with her personality would put me right back in the dark place where I have been before and that nearly finished me .

Before I reached the exit door I looked back and my other head took over , lol . I turned around , pulled my chair and planted my face 3 inches from her face saying “ would you like to try again “ She responded “ yes , please “ and the date went great making out that night and screwing few days later .

She loved it but was scared shitless as I could tell she never experienced anything even close to that intensity.

Within few dates I was very honest telling her “ let’s have fun and see where it goes but I’m not offering any sort of exclusivity and you are free to do the same but play safe so we can be safe when we play together “ .

We were both in the middle of our divorces and I had no desire to limit myself . Within two months during we would see each other once or twice a week ( always my place , strictly long fucking sessions not even going out for a drink ) . One night , I woke up to see her face in tears few inches from my face crying softly . I asked what’s wrong . She replied “ why you never asked me to be yours ? “ I responded“ don’t be silly you are here and you belong to me “ then proceeded with early morning bang session .

She definitely knew what she was doing as few days later I felt sort of guilty and took her out to one of my fave places . It was great night , she was very sweet and nervous at the same time.

I have been around for a long time and shugging girls even half my age has never been a challenge but the passion between me and this girl was something I never experienced . So in a way this was new to both of us .

She is from Middle East , an attorney , beautiful and carrying herself with class. Envied by other woman and desired by many man .

Well , we continued in this fashion , with me still spinning plates but being less overt with it . She did all the work , picnics , where she would bring wine etc given to her by other contenders, dinners at some of the best restaurants in the area . The only thing she asked is that I don’t bring my other bitches to that place and she would pay the bill . My response was always the same, nonchalant , “ nah allow me “ .

Things were great . Even better , phenomenal. All that time , I thought she had a sixth sense as she always knew when to do things extra special and make me feel guilty when I had a fuck sessions with some of the other plates . Two years later I realized , she had my old phone so all the messages , pictures and videos I was getting she was privy to . In a sense it worked great for me as I never had to flex in order to prove my SMV .

Less than 2 years into seeing each other and me getting more exclusive ( she was seeing only me within a month or so of us meeting ) I moved from New England to Florida . She knew this was my plan but did not realize it would be so soon .

I traveled back to Boston few times in the first month or so to see her and we both pretended nothing happened . Then she came here to Florida for few days and it was awesome . She loved it but the night before her departure as we were having a drink enjoying each other’s company she said “ I guess this is it!” and looked into my eyes .

Honestly, if I did not have other plates I would have panicked as I liked this girl way more than others , yet , I do enjoy the variety . I looked back at her , took her hand and replayed “ it doesn’t have to be “ . I told her I’m building a life in Florida and she could be a part of it .

I gave her a year to settle her affairs , offered my help in doing that , and move to be with me in FL. She was excited but nervous . I promised her we can make this work but she has to believe we can as much as I do .

Moving forward , a year turned into two years due to legal complications , me visiting her , and her visiting me . I would say 100% good experience turned to 90% good experiences but deeper .

I realized she would have a very difficult time with her family , friends and her community ( she is Muslim ) leaving to be with a guy who is haram, a forbidden , in her culture . After months of me telling her “ I got your ring but you are so not ready “ I finally proposed in front of her friends . She was very taken. Her friends were happy for her but devastated as they knew they are going to miss her .

I helped her finalize her custody battle ( her youngest daughter was 12 at that time ) and in August last year I packed her up and moved her and her kid to Florida . During the planing stages I stated that I will find a place that will blow her mind , close to where I live , as moving together right from the start could be very difficult for all of us . She did not like that idea but within 3 months appreciated the wisdom of that decision. We took passion to the next level at my place , and worked on getting to know each other with our clothes on at her place .

Still , the transition revealed or amplified some aspects of her personality that I refuse to accept . Seeing each other almost every day , I noticed signs of emotional manipulation i have seen traces of before but hoped will be gone once we are together. When I confronted her in a constructive sort of way , I was surprised to see she doubled down and became even more angry and aggressive. Out of pure guilt and sense of responsibility for her, I roped her back , time and time again , with my game .

As Paul , whom I consulted with on numerous occasions noticed , instead of making her work for it and instilling good behavior, I did all the work and left her with a belief she can do it again and again and there might be no negative consequences. Even though I was able to enforce certain boundaries , norms and communication standards she never embraced those.

It would be easy for me to look at the situation and say it is because she under so much stress with what is going on with her family in a war torn country ( Lebanon) but the sad truth is somewhere along the way I lost my frame , if I ever had it . I realize now that my frame was her ever present dread that if she slips up she will be replaced . I never had to use the language or act that way . She simply knew I CAN do that.

To complicate things even more within last year I sustained few serous injuries that put me on a wheel chair briefly and on crutches for several months , altering the active life style we both enjoy. This will continue for another six months or so.

Furthermore , my businesses have suffered and income considerably declined , not severe enough to panic but definitely concerning . These are subjects I don’t normally discuss with her but she is a perceptive girl and can read between the lines . I’m addressing that business situation and it will get better in time .

In a nutshell , the last six months it is 50% good times , 30% ok , 20% I would rather forget . I keep finding excuses for her , and let her off the hook for the poor behavior too easily .

Over the last month or so due to the number of hurricanes here in FL I had to leave the island and spend 5 days at a time at her place . This last stay left me without delusions… what I once had is gone. Her behavior, the way she speaks to me , the way we fuck even is not something I will tolerate for another day . She asks for help and challenges my advice without knowing a fraction of what I know on a subject . The disrespect and at times contempt is alarming. Still , she keeps saying how much she loves me , just to be cold , disrespectful and manipulate the next day . I’m left with a task of turning her around each and every time . I got sick of it this morning after a night I spent making her feel better and getting rewarded with a fuck that left me wishing I was elsewhere.

Over last few days I have been listening repeatedly to the “Dread and regaining frame “ episode from the Seduction series . I have no doubt she knows my SMV is considerably higher than hers, despite the fact I had a very tough year . She knows how resilient I am . Still , her fucking mind trap continues along this precipice I know will be her undoing and if I don’t do something very drastic , very soon she might pull me into.

I love this girl but I respect myself and the effort I put into getting out of a very dark place I allowed another woman in the past , I was marginally attracted to put me in.

This morning when I was leaving to watch jits practice I pulled her towards me to give her a kiss , she turned her head sideways . I held her firm and responded calmly “ wrong fucking guy for this game “ and left . She called me later this evening pretending like nothing happened asking about my day ( she never does that ) . After few minutes of meaningless talk I asked her “ how do you think we are doing as a couple ?” She hesitantly replied “ not so good “ . I told her we reached new bottom in our relationship and I’m not interested in continuing this conversation , the crappy sex and her shitty attitude NO MATTER what brings it about unless it is something I do or say and if that is the case she needs to find a civil , calm and respectful way to address it with me . I could tell she was not surprised. She offered to talk about it over the phone . I rejected that offer and told her to get her ass to my place tomorrow.

This post is rough or very rough even as I punch these words as they come onto my screen .

Let me know what you think as I’m certain some of you experienced something similar . Looking forward to hearing from you guys .

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